Seorang budak berusia 16 tahun dari New Hampshire memenangibiasiswa melanjut pelajaran ke Universiti Harvard setelah menang pertandingan membuatkarangan esei terpendek di dunia.
Soalan karangan ialah macam ini:
Write a concise essay with reference to all the following elements :
1.Religion
2.Royalty
3.Sex
4.Mystery
Jadi budak ni pun buat le satu karangan begini:
“My God,” said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who the father is.”
Hehehe keempat2 elemen tu dah masuk kannnn....
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Never Argue with A Woman
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat..
He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
Moral of the stori......
Never argue with a woman who reads....
It's likely she can also think....
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat..
He pulls up alongside the woman and says,
'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
Moral of the stori......
Never argue with a woman who reads....
It's likely she can also think....
Gloves & Condoms
A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...
"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?"
She said, "No."
"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building setup with a large tank of latex and the workers are all picked according to hand size.
Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands!
Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."
She didn't laugh a bit.
Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.
The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
"What's new today?"
One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub,drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see thatman over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talkto him."
So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder."Excuse me sir" he starts, "but I noticed you look just likeme!
"The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticedthe same thing. Where you from?"
"I'm from Dublin" came the reply.
"Me too! What street do you live on?"
"McCarthy street"
The second man replies, "Me too! What number isit?"
"162" the first man replies.
"Me too! What are your parents names?"
"Connor and Shannon"
The second man, almost dumbfounded says, "Mine too!This is unbelievable!"
So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking somemore when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes upto the other bartender and asks "What's new today?""Oh nothing much, the Murphy twins are drunk againthough."
So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder."Excuse me sir" he starts, "but I noticed you look just likeme!
"The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticedthe same thing. Where you from?"
"I'm from Dublin" came the reply.
"Me too! What street do you live on?"
"McCarthy street"
The second man replies, "Me too! What number isit?"
"162" the first man replies.
"Me too! What are your parents names?"
"Connor and Shannon"
The second man, almost dumbfounded says, "Mine too!This is unbelievable!"
So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking somemore when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes upto the other bartender and asks "What's new today?""Oh nothing much, the Murphy twins are drunk againthough."
Clever News Reporter
Clever News Reporter
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered.
A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
??????
_
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered.
A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
??????
_
Laughing with Muthu
*MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER *
Interviewer : "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "25th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."
***** *
*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP *
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why."
Wife : ?????????
***** *
*MUTHU & TOURIST *
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village... and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here."
***** *
*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT *
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked. Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."
***** *
*MUTHU & DRIVER *
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror. Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."
***** *
*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL *
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin. Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the s ignboard "* WASH BASIN * "
***** *
*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART *
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
*****
*Oh........ the funniest...*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why ???????????? Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "* PRESS *" pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!
_
Interviewer : "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "25th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."
***** *
*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP *
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why."
Wife : ?????????
***** *
*MUTHU & TOURIST *
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village... and Muthu said .. "No sir, only babies were born here."
***** *
*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT *
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked. Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."
***** *
*MUTHU & DRIVER *
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror. Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."
***** *
*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL *
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin. Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the s ignboard "* WASH BASIN * "
***** *
*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART *
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
*****
*Oh........ the funniest...*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why ???????????? Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "* PRESS *" pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!
_
Short Story
1. Class Lesson
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy.
The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index...
2. Cut Off
A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse." The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.
Desperate he thought, "Why don`t I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises" So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don`t have to cut. I`ll give you herbs to rub.
" The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I`m amazed, So what is the exact secret?" The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."
3. Dr.? (Just a joke )
Dr. ? insists on using English for math and science. Because globally people use the language as information and/or technology language at this moment. One day, Dr ? met Park Lor in KL convention centre (PC FAIR). Since Park Lor do not know much about computer stuff. He asked the salesman regarding the latest server and the salesman replied in english.
ENGLISH :"That server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client."
Park Lor dont really understand the explaination and he asked Dr. ? to translate it to BM.
BAHASA :" Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan."
Park Lor questioned no more and straight away buy the server...
_
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting. "You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy.
The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear." At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it.
He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index...
2. Cut Off
A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse." The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.
Desperate he thought, "Why don`t I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises" So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don`t have to cut. I`ll give you herbs to rub.
" The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I`m amazed, So what is the exact secret?" The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."
3. Dr.? (Just a joke )
Dr. ? insists on using English for math and science. Because globally people use the language as information and/or technology language at this moment. One day, Dr ? met Park Lor in KL convention centre (PC FAIR). Since Park Lor do not know much about computer stuff. He asked the salesman regarding the latest server and the salesman replied in english.
ENGLISH :"That server gives a plug and play service to the clients using either hardware or software joystick. The joystick goes into the port of the client."
Park Lor dont really understand the explaination and he asked Dr. ? to translate it to BM.
BAHASA :" Pelayan itu memberi pelanggannya layanan cucuk dan main dengan menggunakan batang gembira jenis keras atau lembut. Batang gembira itu dimasukkan ke dalam lubang pelanggan."
Park Lor questioned no more and straight away buy the server...
_
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